A month or two ago, RedNationOnline were told that they were nominated for a Canadian Online Publishing award. It was quite a feat: alongside RNO in the best online-only news publication website was The Tyee, the Vancouver Observer and CBC News, who have a bottomless pit of cash. I, by contrast, wear trousers to work where I have ingeniously stapled a pocket back together.
So, on Monday, the RNO team – or the working class heroes, if you like – made the most of the award ceremony hospitality. I ensured that my free drink token bought me the largest alcoholic beverage possible, and presenter and writer Gavin Day ate his way through the equivalent of a Christmas dinner at the Klumps’ household: three pizzas, root chips with guacamole, sushi, and asparagus wrapped in beef. I couldn’t compete.
The room was beyond hot; everyone was sweating like Wayne Rooney in an old peoples’ home. I started to bemoan that I hadn’t asked for a pitcher of Tankhouse with my drinks voucher.
Then, beyond the steam rising from balding heads, I saw the award; what a disappointment that was.
I was expecting it to be a tall, thick and shiny object – similar to the kind of thing you’d find in Paris Hilton’s secret drawer. Instead it was a certificate (of a similar format to the one I received as an eight year old for finishing 3rd in the sack race) in a frame. Second-placed nominees didn’t even have the honour of receiving a frame.
The winners of these Dollarama frames made me feel inadequate. It wasn’t my attire: I looked pretty sharp dressed like a Banana Republic mannequin with a Sergio Aguero meets cockatoo hair-do. It was the fact that I wasn’t wearing thick-rimmed glasses.
It was almost a competition in itself: one bloke would walk onstage and you’d think: “well those glasses are a bit different, they make him look a bit like Brains from Thunderbirds, but they are admittedly rather snazzy”; then when the next fella comes on wearing what can only be described as well-insulated patio doors it can get a bit much. How I used to long to look like Clark Kent as a child, and no amount of lying at the opticians would allow me to achieve this.
Our award was announced towards the end of the evening, and at this point The Tyee and CBC News had an Ikea rack worth of frames each, and I’m pretty sure the Vancouver Observer had one or two as well. With a solitary nomination for RNO, against already victorious websites, it wasn’t looking good.
We won silver! Second to billion-budget CBC News! Have that! We, the frugal and non-fashionably spectacled RNO, are just a Dollarama picture frame away from Canada’s largest news broadcaster.
Given that I have only been writing for this website for at least three months, I tried to take as much glory as possible from this unlikely achievement. I didn’t hug everybody in the room multiple times as I had on Sunday during and after City’s demolition of Manchester United (I had to mention it), but I ensured I sported a smug smile at all times.
Congratulations to the RNO team for a true underdog victory. Let’s all laugh at CBC.
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