Hello RedNation,

Take a deep breath – today, I’ll be hitting you with the biggest news of 2012.

On February 14, 2012, Toronto FC announced a competition that will shape the fabric of this team for decades to come; the Toronto FC Dream Job, a competition that is being held by Toronto Football Club, to find the next marketing and media personality at the club. 

Naturally, I felt this role would be the perfect fit for someone such as myself.

Now, committing to such an incredibly monumental position is no small task. It requires years of dedication, honing ones naturally ability, and developing the incredible discipline to make it in such a difficult world. 

After meditating under a waterfall (fine, the raindrops that fall off the sloped roof of the Eaton’s Centre exterior) I have made my decision. 

If you’re still holding your breath, you may exhale. If you did not survive holding your breath, please know that you did not die in vain.

As of 12:04 p.m. of Wednesday, February 15, I will officially submitted my name for consideration in the 2012 Toronto FC Dream Job Candidacy. 

I’ll give you a moment to pick up whatever you were holding/sit back down in your chair. Apologies for the shocking news, but, as far as press releases go, this is a definite shocker.

The Toronto FC Dream Job has always been a dream of mine. I dreamed of this dream job and now the official Dream Job ™ has come. The dreaming of a dream Dream has now become a reality, much like Inception except without the looming music. 

Now, you may be wondering, Armen, why should you be the winner? Well, dear reader, I’ll tell you why:

Because I want it. 

Finally, after a decades-long personal struggle spanning the course of 24 hours, I have thrown my name into the ring. 

Please, go on the official Toronto FC Facebook page and “Like” my application. The number of likes and comments directly impacts my chances for candidacy.

Also, if you are so inclined, the twitter hashtags #TeamArmen and #TFCDreamJob can be used simultaneously as a show of support.

I am deeply honoured to take part in this election.  At the same time, I am deeply apologetic to the thousands of iPhone screens that cracked when you dropped them on the floor after reading my official candidacy announcement. I am sorry.


Thank you, and remember to vote!

Armen Bedakian,
#TeamArmen

Paid for by The Armen Bedakian Super PAC which is responsible for the content of this press release. Not authorized (but totally is authorized) by any candidate or candidate’s committee.